it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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