There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
