I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
dude. I can hear the air.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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