all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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