I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
