So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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