By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
