I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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