Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
