ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
