3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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