I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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