I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
