did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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