I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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