her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
