Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
