listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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