Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
