I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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