so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
