did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
