doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
another moral hangover. fuck.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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