Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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