I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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