hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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