I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
