I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
