you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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