Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
