these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
