office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
