I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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