Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
