From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just invented taco cereal.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
