it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
