i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
