I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
