i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
