Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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