she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
