I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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