guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
