she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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