Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
