No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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