my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
