How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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