there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
