I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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