I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
