I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Even my vagina gasped.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
