Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
two words: eviction party
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
