My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
