Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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