Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
