Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
