I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
