It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
