Betty ford says i'm here all night
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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