I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
