Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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