what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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