i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
