I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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